2 maart 2019

Loslaten is “alleen maar aanwezig zijn”


blue boat

Je moet je eigen sterktes kennen.

En die van mij liggen vooral in je te helpen ervaren wat iets betekent. Door de ruimte daarvoor open te houden (in het Engels "holding the space" of "holding the field"). En door je te begeleiden wanneer je tijdelijk verdwaalt.

Schrijven is daarentegen niet m'n sterkste punt.

Gelukkig kwam ik vandaag een mooie tekst van Jeff Foster tegen. Die perfect beschrijft wat ik wou zeggen. Wat ik "alleen maar aanwezig zijn bij wat er is, en erbij aanwezig blijven" noem, vat hij simpelweg samen als "doing nothing".

Deze tekst wil ik graag met je delen.

Jeff Foster over “Doing Nothing"

I was speaking with a friend recently. She was sharing with me how - sometimes while with clients, sometimes while leading seminars and retreats, sometimes while alone and sometimes in social situations - a painful sense of unworthiness, unlovability and “Not Good Enough” would come to visit her, a very old feeling from childhood. How would it come? A painful contraction in her belly and throat, along with a storm of thoughts in her mind telling her she wasn’t good enough (or pretty enough or smart enough or awakened enough), that she didn’t have anything to offer, that she was a failure and so on. All accompanied by an urge to just run away and curl up into a ball and hide.

She had tried for many years to “get rid of” these “annoying” thoughts and feelings and urges, to numb them, to repress them, to destroy them – with drink, with spirituality, with unconscious behaviours, and by taking on a false self, pretending to be someone else.

“I just can’t seem to get rid of this feeling, Jeff.”

“Yes, you’ve tried everything. But have you tried… doing nothing?”

I invited her, in the safe field of love between us, to actually let in that experience of shame, to let it come out of hiding and emerge fully into the field. As it did, I asked her to observe her thoughts without trying to silence or stop them. And to allow the tension in her belly and throat to just be there, without trying to ‘fix’ or ‘heal’ it. I invited her to breathe into the sensations, flush them with oxygen, awareness, loving attention. To offer them what they had come for. Her curiosity.

We both met her inner experience with love. And we discovered, together, this “inner child” of shame was not a part of her that was wrong or bad or dangerous or broken. This was just an innocent and frightened part of her that needed her presence, her kind attention. She came into contact with her core vulnerability. That shaky, raw, open and tender place inside of her. Not a problem to be fixed, or something that was a sign of her weakness or failure, but something natural and healthy and human and beautiful, a sweet and sensitive place inside to be drenched with understanding and compassion. An inner place she could make friends with.

She cried as she said, "I realise, my whole life I've been trying, trying so hard, to get rid of these thoughts and feelings. I saw them as a mistake, an error, a sign that I was faulty. Now I see, they actually belong in this Presence, they are sacred and whole in themselves, and they were only ever trying to warn me and keep me safe from harm. They are so innocent. I don't need to do anything with them, except perhaps love them and bless them as they arise... and know that they are not who I really am..."

Friends, we all feel shaky and vulnerable and raw and uncertain sometimes. It’s natural and human to be sensitive and tender and to not know. In a space of non-judgemental presence, in a kind holding field where we have permission to be our perfectly imperfect selves, think our thoughts and feel our feelings however intense or uncomfortable or ‘inconvenient’ they are, we can relax deeply, and great healing (holding) can happen. Any relationship that provides this holding field is therapeutic. Whether that’s a relationship with yourself, with a safe and trusted friend or partner, with a therapist or healer, or with an animal, a tree, or even an imaginary or remembered figure - a guardian angel, a beloved grandparent, a god or goddess. Whatever helps you connect with presence. Whatever helps you drop out of the seeking mind and re-member the sacredness of Now.

Sometimes when we stop trying to “do”, when we stop trying to “fix” and “solve” and "heal" and just relax into the way things actually are, we can discover a deep sense of rest and healing.

Ruimte en een kader

Dit kan ik je aanbieden: de "holding field", die ruimte gevuld met warme, liefdevolle en oordeelloze aanwezigheid.

En ik kan je leren hoe je daar komt.
Stapje per stapje.
Met vallen en opstaan.

Ik kan je bewustzijn die ruimte geven, en je geest een kader. Want de geest houdt ervan om wat controle te houden, hoe tegenstrijdig dit ook lijkt met het idee van loslaten en alleen maar aanwezig zijn. Het is soms goed om de geest te betrekken, en een leidraad te geven. Want we zijn niet gewend om niets te doen, en onze geest leidt ons vlug naar iets doen, al is dat iets je maar zeggen “dat het toch niet lukt en dat je evengoed kan stoppen met proberen”. Het is goed om dat te leren herkennen.

sand holding

Loslaten, het is binnen handbereik.

Je weet het alleen nog niet ;)

Want loslaten is alleen maar aanwezig zijn bij wat er is.

En dat kan je.

Of je kan het op z'n minst leren. Delen


Loslaten: theorie en praktijk

Zaterdag 23 maart 2019, 10u00 - 18u00, 120€
Locatie: De Verdieping, Lievegem

Inschrijven kan online, of per mail.